Why You Take Everything Personally, and How to Stop
A friend seems quiet, and you immediately assume you did something wrong. Someone does not invite you, and you conclude it is because they dislike you. A m...
Category
The Fear of Judgment
Fear of Judgment at Work: Meetings, Feedback, and Speaking Up
For many people the most unavoidable arena for the fear of judgment is work. Meetings where you are expected to speak, feedback that feels like a verdict,...
The Spotlight Effect: Why You Feel Like Everyone Is Watching
You trip slightly on the mat walking into a coffee shop, and for the next twenty minutes a hot wave of embarrassment runs through you. You are certain ever...
How to Stop Replaying Awkward Moments in Your Head
Everyone has a private collection of cringe: the misspoken word, the joke that landed wrong, the moment you waved at someone who was waving at the person b...
Thoughts Are Not Facts: A Simple Idea That Changes Everything
Here is a small sentence that, taken seriously, can change your whole relationship with social anxiety: a thought is not a fact. It is a suggestion your mi...
How to Stop Caring So Much What People Think of You
"Just stop caring what people think." It is common advice, and taken literally it is impossible. You are a social animal, wired over millions of years to c...
Blushing, Shaking, and Sweating: The Fear That People Will See
For many people with social anxiety, a special layer of dread attaches to the visible symptoms: blushing, shaking hands, a trembling voice, sweating. It is...
Catastrophizing: How a Small Worry Becomes a Disaster
You take a small possibility and follow it, link by link, all the way to the worst imaginable outcome. "If I go to this party, I won't know what to say, an...
Mind Reading: Why You Assume People Are Judging You
Someone glances at you and looks away, and half a second later you feel a drop of shame, certain they were thinking something unkind. You did not decide th...
The Fear of Awkward Silences, and Why Pauses Are Normal
Ask a socially anxious person what they dread most in conversation, and many will say the silence: the pause when neither person is speaking, which feels l...
The Fear of Being Seen as Boring
Of all the specific fears inside social anxiety, one of the most common and most paralyzing is the fear of being boring. It shows up as a frantic pressure...